The bag and its controversies

“Auntie I would like to ask you something but you should not mistake me.”

“It is regarding the snacks you send every year for the festival.”

“Oh is it regarding the snacks? May be you don’t like the repetition?”

“No…. no….. Please don’t change your menu… We actually anticipate your yearly mouth-watering nibbles…

But it is the repetition of the bags over the past 5 years in which you send those items that had created lot of guessing between me and my wife Lallu. We know that it is the bag which has coconut banana and paan and a sweet given to the wedding guests before they leave the hall.

“And how does the guessing game go?”

Lallu thinks  these are bags from a marriage stopped at the last moment. She says it  might be a dowry problem……compulsion by the parents.... a love affair etc. etc…..

“What is your idea …my dear boy?”

“ I think it should be the excess bags printed for  the wedding Knowing your penchant for non-plastic bags they should have given you those to be put into use…..

And today we decided that we would put an end to this argument that has gained an yearly permanency ……… like an yearly budget discussion….and sort it out with you once for all”

I laughed and said “you should have come along Lallu. Over a cup of green tea our discussion would have been more interesting.”

“I was wondering why no one has asked me this question for the past so many years.”

The story goes like this

“It was the wedding of the only son of a widow who with her hard work and determination educated the boy in engineering diploma and when he expressed his desire to go for a degree course it was a bit of a disappointment for her. He convinced her that with an engineering degree it would be easy to get a high paying job.  His goodness was beyond compare and his mother knew that she was not wasting money on him. She begged and borrowed to fulfil his desire. He was not a high flyer but finished his the course fairly well. Due to this and his lack of proficiency in English he couldn’t land himself in a good job. But both of them didn’t lose heart and The mother gave out his bio data to all she knew with the hope that one of them might help out her son. With a bit of luck he landed on a decent job and his mother wasted no time in fixing his  marriage.

On the day before the wedding when the bags for the return gift were delivered the boy was furious. The name printed on the bag was his dad’s younger brother and his wife. The boy knew how they were treated after his father’s demise, how jealous they were when he did his engineering and what sort of mental torture his mother underwent with them as their neighbour.

“Amma (mother) …the boy shouted …”What have you done?”

He was holding the gift bag in his hand

The mother was worried that the boy was talking about the expensive bag. She tried to pacify him.

“Dear son I know the bags are a bit expensive but they looked so beautiful…..And since you have sent your wedding invitation through the computer and relatives were invited personally I wanted your  hard earned degree to be  known to the world…and that you are marrying a degree holder too . So I printed your names with the respective degree. Is that a mistake or buying an expensive bag is a mistake?

Don’t worry …….. I can manage the expense.”

“ Amma I am neither worried about your expense nor about printing the degrees. Why their name?” the boy shouted.

“That is the way of the world,” his mother said matter of fact.

“I don’t want to abide by the tenets of the world. Why didn’t you print your name on those bags?”

“My dear boy” she said “Your father is no more and it is not auspicious to put my name on the bags.” She said

“To hell with your customs” he yelled “If you are going to distribute those bags tomorrow   I swear that my marriage is off.”

His friends who had gathered there to pack the items in the bags tried to convince him to adjust for the sake of his mother.

“I would rather go for a registered marriage than a wedding in which those printed bags would be distributed.” He firmly said

His mother called up her close family friend and poured out her heart.

“The boy is right. At some point we have to do away with our orthodox customs…… Don’t worry I will take care of everything. I will be at your place after some time and talk to the boy.”

A satisfied mother switched off the cell phone.

Straight away he proceeded to Parry’s’ Anderson street (Chennai) and bought the required number of generic bags which just said “Thank You.”

He went to the wedding house and instructed his friends to pack the items in the new bags and said to the boy “Hats off my dear son for your excellent stand… I don’t know if I would have done the same in a similar situation….. I consider these bags not as a wedding gift to you rather they are your wedding gift to me since you have taught me a lesson to stand by a principle…!”

Thus those printed bags came into my possession… and mind you those bags which were discarded for a principle would be proudly sent to you till I exhaust them. Is it ok with you?”

Manu was emotional; he smiled and nodded his head!

Kumquats in the Quibble Island!

If ever you happen to visit the Quibble island cemetery, in Santhome, Chennai, on All Souls ’ Day and if ever you are lucky enough to see a grave decorated with kumquat fruits, be assured that these fruits indeed carry a big story which you are lucky enough to share with me today.

Leaving a cushy job at Calcutta and start a new venture in Madras was a complicated decision.  We took a chance and had decided that in the worst case scenario both of us could be employed somewhere. My husband was young and he didn’t have much of an experience. And he was new in the arena of finance. There were month ends when he had to convince his bank to release at least the staff salary. Designing a product, manufacturing it, marketing and selling the same and collecting the money single handedly was not the easiest proposition. The cash flow crunches debilitate you. The market preferred a branded product to an innovative piece. On one of those ‘down in the dumps’ days, uncle came in the evening just to chat and my husband shared some his problems with him.

In the course of the conversation uncle asked him “Raja what do you think of me?” My husband was wondering what sort of question was that when he was weighed down by his own problem. Out of courtesy he said “As your name board says you have a doctorate in horticulture and you were the dean of a famous agricultural university and your brilliance had earned you the emeritus scientist status” He laughed at this and said, “Please listen to a little story”

It was a family of all sons and this blessed mother’s daily prayer was on these following lines:

“God you have given me plenty of blessings through my intelligent sons;  I thank you for that gift; I also need one more gift from you; one of my sons  as you very well know is a  good boy but  a dud.  Amongst my sons your sharing had gone haywire somewhere; but I don’t blame you for that; but my only request is that please make sure that he passes his S.S.L.C and gets a clerical job in the government so that after us he has a comfortable living without depending on his brothers.”

He continued “and you know who was that black sheep of the family? It’s I!!!”

“Please uncle don’t put down yourself just to encourage us” I said to him

“I am not trying to weave a story ma” he said “With very low mark I passed my SSLC but I wanted to go for the intermediate course in the college. Passing my SSLC should have given me the big boost and the courage to go on like my other brothers. My parents didn’t want to discourage me and they put me on to the course. I think some anunaki or a greater power should have touched me at that juncture. From that moment on, there was no looking back for me! I came out with flying colours through my graduation and post-graduation and the miracle of all miracles was that I won a merit scholarship to go to USA for my research in agricultural science!!”

“To make a beginning is always difficult” he said, “but once you start it, the ride becomes either smooth or at the least you will be able to avoid the mistakes you had committed earlier.” “You have caught hold of the tiger’s tail Raja (my husband’s pet name) and now there is no option but to ride on it and with your intelligence you can definitely do It.” he added.

These on and off morale boosting sessions helped us to manage many situations and it played an important role in our progress.

We were progressing well professionally and with a good foreign collaboration we have put up a factory of our own. Naturally uncle took over the responsibility of laying our garden. He added value to the whole scenery by planting two kumquat saplings in the midst of the garden and told me that this kumquat the lucky tree of South East Asia would bear thousands of fruits for me.

Uncle had interesting details about the introduction of kumquats. During a seminar some scientists were challenging him that he could not grow kumquat in South India. Uncle took up the challenge and the first kumquat plant took root in his house garden. Slowly he propagated the same by gifting away plants to all his friends. The first degree connection among the kumquat owning Chennaites may one day tempt them to form an association similar to a Rotary!  A person who came to the factory to do some art frescoes saw our kumquat and became very friendly since she was also a one to get that favour from uncle!

For my part I give away the plants to whomever likes to have and sometimes when the yield is too high we had gifted away the bottled kumquat juice to our staff members on their birthdays. Being a joint venture, people coming from UK factory were fascinated with the fruit and there was one person who takes away carton full of fruits to make his marmalade on his every visit to India!!

Uncle B.W.X. Ponnaiah is no more with us. On All Souls Day if any one sees his grave at the Quibble island cemetery at Foreshore estate, Chennai decorated with kumquat fruits it is our  tribute to the great ‘morale booster’ in our lives!

What annoys you most?

I was reading the day’s paper the title “I don’t like being called paatti (grandma)” struck a chord in me! It was an interview by an actress and when the reporter asked the above question she replied “I don’t like being called paatti. When someone calls me paatti I know I am an aged person but you don’t have to call me paatti. I associate this word to being ‘useless’.”

 This is the statement by 80 year old Ms. Subbulakshmi who is centre figure in a film in progress named ‘Ammani’. She was indeed venting out the sentiments of many elderly women!

But in no shop the elderly gentlemen are called thatha; it is always the respectful ‘sir’. The underlying fact is that in the Indian male chauvinistic society, the man wields various self imposed powers, including the economic one, and no one dares to antagonise him while these dependent elderly women are right royally bullied around !

When the grandchildren call a person as paatti, it is indeed a word of great affection but when all and sundry use it the hurt is beyond words.

A friend of mine in medical field narrated the following incident in her place of work. An emergency situation arose in her hospital when a nurse addressed a high BP patient as ‘paatti’ thinking that she was patronising her. But this angered so much that she jumped from her bed along with the IV stand and started abusing the nurse. Instantly she collapsed and fell down unconscious. She had to be rushed to the emergency ward and luckily for the hospital she survived. That very day there was an unscheduled emergency meeting at the hospital wherein the management impressed upon the staff to address all the women patients as ‘madam’ irrespective of their age.

The next one is a similar incident on a busy hour in a big textile show room. A lady entered the shop with full enthusiasm in anticipation of a great shopping. A sales man around fifty accosted her saying “come in paattimma.” The lady was disturbed by this salutation. To add fire to the fuel he was showing her a few saris with disinterest. And when she asked him to bring out the saris from a certain shelf he commented “This will not suit to you paattimma……these are meant for youngsters.” And that was the last straw! The lady burst out.

“My eldest grand child is just 16 and why should you... why should you..... A 50 year old man call me a paattimma?” she was ferocious “You call the ladies with dyed hair very respectfully as madam while I am disrespectfully addressed not just as paatti but paattimma? Am I your paatti’s mother? And who are you decide what I should wear? Do you know that I have come today to give you big business but you are the loser?” Thoroughly irritated she huffed out of the shop and any amount of pacification proved unsuccessful. And a beautiful day turned into a horror story for the lady!

 Some sales staff makes a repetitive use of the word ‘paattimma’ to annoy the customer since they think that they are not usually profitable customers and can be bullied at will!  And like Subbulakshmi feels “patties are useless condemned lot.”

That ‘aging word’ puts people off!

“Not dyeing my hair black is my right but that does not grant you the right to call me paattimma!

But there is a great effort in the market to attract this growing older population. Charming advertisements ensnare the elderly since they hold the money power to call shots! With no commitments to the family the twosome fulfil all their innate desires for luxurious living and equally luxurious health services. But certain little fools in big malls have the audacity to hurt their sentiments and thus make them avoid those shops.

There is a generic beautiful word in Tamil which can be affectionately used from the new born girl child to the bed ridden old lady without compunction. And that beautiful expression is ‘amma’ which denotes ‘mother’, an embodiment of love and affection and all that is best in the world! There is a lot of difference when you say to a lady “paatti….. Be careful of the steps “and “amma…. mind your steps! “The first one indicates “Don’t fall down and becomes a burden to the family while the second one implies concern!” In north India it’s either ‘didiji’ or ‘bahenji’ or ‘maaji’ but never ever  ‘naniji’! These words carry with them lot of respect and kindness.

The English people call you just by your name irrespective of the age. It might be a shock to us Indians at the first instance but on second thought it makes us proud of our individuality.  And hence when we talk in English we call the foreigners by their name without any qualm but beckon our own Indians in their midst as ‘madam ‘or ‘sir’.  

Let us not put down the elderly especially the ladies with ill- chosen words or crack jokes with an inappropriate sense of humour.

Shaking Hands With the Queen

It was 1961. I was doing my second year BA and the ancillary was political science. Our lecturer for the subject was nick named as ‘rain man’. He never gave lectures from the big old podium of our big old college! (Which even boasted of hand operated pankas inclusive of pankawallas in the place of electric fans!) Instead he would descend down closer to the level of the students.  With plenty of hand swaying and abundant facial expressions combined with his ‘copious saliva rain’ he made sure that the students were ever in a state of mindfulness during his hour! The ordinary political events of the world was converted into emotional experiences by this magician!!

“The front seats are also for you dear students.” He would declare innocently unaware that it was left free on purpose!

The January session was on the unwritten constitution of England.  This man being a loyal royalist competing with the faithful zealots in the Queen’s own country elaborated about the head of the state.

“She went as a princess inside the tree house in the African country of Uganda for a holiday and came out as the queen of England “he said, with no  inkling of remorse at the demise of poor king George VI her father, which enabled her to become Queen Elizabeth II in 1953!

“The king is dead long live the king” he would affirm proudly eulogising the continuity of the head of the state in the country of England.

“An unwritten constitution…….! What a marvel………! Do give an example of our politicians who had read our Indian constitution, the largest in the world and adhere even to the few written rules.” He would challenge us.

“And do you know that the head of that marvellous country with an unwritten constitution is making a visit to our country the next month which includes a peek into Madras too? “He ecstatically exclaimed!

We were right royally got caught in the fervency of that man and wanted see Queen. And the urge to see her was sown.

We guessed that he might be travelling to Madras to have  ‘Queen dharshan’  . His enthusiasm was indeed contagious! We too drew a plan! We were just 9 girls in our class of 50 odd. And of them three had their relatives in Madras and I was one among the lucky ones with my married elder sister in place.

Then started the big process of convincing the parents to allow us to proceed to Madras. Those were the days of strict regimen when girls were forbidden from travelling alone even within the town. Even within our college the routine for ladies was to stand outside the class every hour and go in only after the lecturer entered the class and leave the class before him!

My parents’ first reaction to this ‘Queen dharshan’ was a natural emphatic ‘no’. I tried my best to convince them that my political studies involved the Queen too.  Had they been illiterate I could have created many more fancy stories, but they were not.

“Are the boys from your class going?”

“No… no……. it’s just us three girls…”

“Have their parents given them permission?”

“Yes very much….” I didn’t want to tell them that the other two girls were also sailing in the same boat!

“How will you three travel alone?”

“We will travel by the ladies compartment and send telegrams to receive us at the station and we can send one to sister.”

“So everything is planned and our consent is just a formality… isn’t it?”

“No never amma … if you are not allowing me to go ……..”

It was just a whine…….. And it did the trick!

The train was indeed a spectacle to watch. The inside was bulging out like an extra fat Japanese Sumo wrestler and on the outside was a miraculous hanging human vine without any hold and the top of the train was converted to a double decker!

“How crazy people are?” We three commented after finding our inch of a space in the ladies compartment, segregating ourselves apart from the mad crowd! It was an all-night vigil by the ‘royalty starved’ beings of India to honour of the monarchy!

I saw her  at Anna flyover and then near Egmore children’s hospital  and was lucky enough to see her at close quarters at the secretariat thanks to a friend of my brother in law who was a driver to a minister. With her gloved hands and the ornate hat she looked like a fairy and I came back to my town fulfilled and satiated!!

My exhilaration equalled that of my professor and my siblings were awestruck by my description of the Queen and Madras as a whole.

“You have spent so much of your father’s money and gone to the far away Madras. Did you shake hand with the queen?”

It was like a bolt from the blue! It was the grand old Selli akka who was sweeping the floor. This query pushed my elation to dust! I lost face and stopped talking.

My teenage exuberance was not there anymore. The ground reality that she was also a human like any of us dawned inside. Philosophic views of life had settled in what with a family and a new business in place.

But the  royalty didn’t want to leave me alone. This time it was the other way round. 

It was the year 1997 when Queen Elizabeth II made her second visit to India and to Madras too! One day my hubby called me through the intercom to come to his office room ( I was working in the same office).

The usual implication was some administrative problem. As I entered with my fingers crossed his smiling face augured some good tiding.

“Read this. “He said handing me a card. It was from the British High Commission. It was an invitation. The content indeed boggled me! It said that her majesty the Queen would be happy to meet us both during her visit to Madras! A successful joint venture with MTL UK had indeed brought us this windfall. We were the CIPs (commercially important people) for the Queen in her Commonwealth.

On that day after the embassy protocol was over we were the ones to shake her gloved hand. She listened carefully to my husband regarding our joint venture and with another hand shake wished us all success.

At that moment I wanted to cry out loud to the good old lady who put to me to shame in front of my siblings!

Instead I shouted within “Hey dear old Selly akka in whichever world you are, I want to tell you today  I have shaken hands with the queen!”

All these thoughts were triggered as I was sitting the huge Norwich library on the 9th of September 2015 reading the Times which proclaimed that Queen Elizabeth II was longest ruling British monarch exceeding Queen Victoria and Elizabeth I. She had indeed ruled the country for 63 years and 232 days beating Queen Victoria who ruled for 63 years and 216 days. At 89 she continues to hold fort and I wish her all the best, still wondering at the little moments she touched our lives!

A Demon Named - Marks

This  is a beautiful thought from my elder sister whose stories get published in Tamil magazines. She desired that one of her articles get through the net and as she celebrates her 80^th birthday on the 5^th of August I am happy to fulfill her desire. Please read  savour and enjoy!

The father in law was upset as he  read the morning paper.

“Can you commit suicide for the sake of your mark?

“Can you commit suicide if you don’t get the group you wanted?”

“Crazy children……… I don’t know what this world is coming to? No value for this God given gift of life.”

This  loud lamentation made the daughter in law to hasten from inside.

“ This ‘Demon of  the Marks’ has become the comrade of Yama and  taken away two lives today……. A boy and a girl……. I couldn’t imagine the magnitude of havoc they are going to commit this  season.”

 He was thoroughly annoyed. “ Is high mark an indication of your intelligence?” These schools and the teachers are to be blamed. What sort of special classes they conduct day in and day out? Just making the children “by heart and vomit”. They don’t allow the children to think……. Mmmmm.. what is the use of blaming them? It is the useless education system of “marks only matter” that has to be denounced by the educationists.”

But the dil (daughter in law ) was not convinced “ You can very well philosophize mama. Look at your grand son. I want to him to do the improvement tests in science and maths to go for engineering. By hook or crook I want this fatherless child  to be a computer engineer. For his sake I don’t mind selling our lands and even this house. But that son of mine dares to listen to me.”

 “Computer engineer……… for what……. Just to earn money……..? FIL continued “Is he going to be an expert in that field or just a dud sitting there for money with no happiness in the job he is performing? Our Indian students are like the rats of the “The pied piper of Hamlin” crazily running behind this money making endeavour. Money cannot bring you happiness. It’s  the happiness in doing the job that is of prime importance.”

The lady sighed “You are also patronising  your grand son and that Anand who has come back for America trying to convert the youth to go back to the lands and do  organic farming and your grand son is always running behind him. And you know what is happening in the opposite house?  Guru is their only son and unlike your grandson he has scored very well but he doesn’t want to study further. It’s all because the American returned Anand boy !”

“Amma, that Guru is doing the right thing. His grandfather was a great agriculturist and when all of us could harvest 100 bags of paddy he would be doing 120 bags. Such a clever man with lot of interest in agriculture. Guru has indeed got the genes of the grandfather!!” he carried on “The other day Anand was telling that in many countries boys undergo military training for a year after the age of 18. What he suggests is that after the school final all our students both male and female  should undergo agricultural training for a year. Being an agricultural country they will thus understand it’s  importance and when this interest is kindled, our country will become the “anna dhatha”(food provider) for the whole world!!”

“Hello athai……(aunt)  amma, gave this banana bunch for you and this is from our garden and how are you thatha? Where is Loga?

“ You will live to be a hundred Anand. Just now we were talking about you. By the way I wanted you to advise our youth  especially Loga to study  well and get good marks. They have to go abroad and bring in lot of prosperity to our village. On the contrary you are pulling them back to these useless lands.”

“Athai …… when I came back to our village people were indeed making sarcastic comments. They kept their fingers crossed as to what special thing I was going to achieve  over and above what they had already done. Heart in they wished me to be a utter disaster.  But with lot of grit I doggedly persevered and it took me three solid years to bring back the land to the original shape from it’s chemical soaked self. Now everything is profit for me. Loga has the natural bent of mind for agriculture and can you name a single person in and around our village who can do water divination like him? Why are you worried about his marks?

“ Rightly said my dear boy! This demon in the form of marks is indeed tightening the nooze around the neck of Indian youth and it’s high time we throw off the system for something really beneficial to the student community” Thatha said.

“ Athai…… Loga has the inclination and the capacity to be a star farmer. I will guide him with my hard earned experience. Instead running to America to earn big money he will do it sitting near you  enjoying our beautiful village and it’s wonderful breeze. Is it ok with you? With a single stone you are getting two mangoes. Are you not going to be happy?” Anand continued

“By the way I came looking for Loga to repair my tractor. And do you know that your son’s single touch can do magic to those slumping machines to sit up straight and do a jig!?

“ Sometimes I understand but  sometimes  I think that I  ache  for something else too “ said  the bewildered mother to herself!

Special Guest Lecturer

Being the elected president and secretary of the college science club they were in charge of the guest lecture that morning.  They verified the auditorium for all the power points and the sound system, the guest gift, the water bottles etc. and one was telling the other “I don’t know what sort bore that doctorate lady from UK is going to be and that too happening as the first thing in the morning I have to be alert till the end since it’s my job to propose the vote of thanks……….. “ Stretching herself she said “Got up early today to tie a sari….”

“Don’t worry, I will chip in in case….. But even if both of us doze off there is one ‘enthu’ junior already present there with her note and pen….. I can grab it from her “said the other laughing.

Hand in hand they walked out to the reception to receive the guest.

The introduction of the guest was by the HOD who said that she happy to tell the gathering  that today’s guest was old student college  who won the Tamil Nadu young scientist award  for her post graduate research and was the best outgoing student of that year. More than all these  she won the British scholarship that had helped her to pursue her research at UK and today she had come to share  her findings and she was happy to welcome her brilliant student to address the gathering.

The guest thanked her teacher for this sky high compliment and started her talk “As the alumni of this wonderful institution I am proud to address this august gathering with my research findings.” And turning slightly towards the two girls she winked at them and said “Before I do it I would like to assure my student friends that I will not bore you.”

The two girls were already down in the dumps when that ‘enthu girl’ was led to the stage by the HOD and the entourage with fanfare. Now a sharp arrow had been pointedly thrown at them! They were embarrassed beyond words. They never anticipated that a girlish looking person who was sitting in the front row before time, dangling her feet could be the guest lecturer of the day!

The guest had actually arrived early and being an old student she went and sat in the front row without any fuss or formality!

The two girls somehow made sure that they met her in private and profusely apologised to her for their uncouth behaviour. “ I could have done the same in your position” she said it with a smile “and you can easily blame it on the size!” 

The Gender Monopoly

It was the golden jubilee celebration in a prestigious institution and the engineers who passed out 50 years ago, including my husband, had an emotional and joyful time reminiscing their good old days in the campus.

As a part of the big celebration a concert by the super singers was in full swing. As soon as the instruments began to play a particular tune the gang which could identify that song rose to a big uproar of appreciation. I turned around to look for some hooligans among the 70+year’s oldies who had gathered there but that was not to be…..it was a gang of young girls, the budding engineers who had come to watch the free show in the open theatre and mind you….it was not boys who were responsible for this uproar!

During the dinner time the prime topic of discussion was the monopolization of the campus by the girls. One of the granddaughters studying in grandpa’s college shared with us the information that in any college function or tournament it is the girls who are the cheer leaders and the boys indeed seem to take a back seat! 

“Lucky girls…..” I said. “When I was doing the UG in a one horse town boasting of a single college prestigiously known as the ‘Cambridge of South India’ we   were prisoners rather than college students! We had no right to move around in that sprawling campus. We had no right to sit under the trees on the banks of River Kaveri and enjoy the cool breeze! As we entered the college through the pedestrian bridge over Kaveri our companions should be girls in the absence of which it should be a quick stride with the head bowed down. This was our protective first circle!

There were two rooms adjacent to the principal’s office, one for the few lady lecturers who accidentally land up in the place due to compulsory transfers and the next bigger one is for the students! Our duty was to contain ourselves in the ladies room and be in the protective circle of the principal!

For flag hoisting and assembly sessions we ladies would line up in the veranda front of our rest room while the boys filled the lawns!

If ever any one happened to see a handful of ladies standing outside a class it should be understood that it was no punishment but rather a waiting time for the lecturer to enter the class……. Can’t believe it? But that was the truth! Girls were not supposed to enter the class till the lecturer walked in! The row of desks at the corner closest to the entry door was reserved for the ladies and any extra seats in that row were forbidden for the boys! Second and third protective circles! At the end of the lecture the girls would walk out of the class first. It was part and parcel of the lecturer’s the duty to make sure that the girls left the place before him.  Fourth protective circle from another angle!

And as we changed classes every hour this ritual was followed with passion!

And thus our modesty was thoroughly protected by the college authorities”

As I ended the story, everyone laughed out except the one who declared that she had an even sadder story than mine as a zealous student.

“Today I have come to this institution as a spouse of an engineer having completed his studies 50 years ago. But I came to this same institution 50 years back with the record creating marks in my PUC with a great passion to do my engineering. But my application was rejected on a very frivolous excuse that I was a girl.  I didn’t want to take this ‘no’ lying down.  I met the principal and told him about my ardent desire to do the engineering course.

“But this is just for boys my dear “he explained

“Then show me an engineering college for women. While there is an arts college meant for women and a home science college for the same gender….. Where can I go and satisfy my great passion of becoming an engineer” one of the wife of my husband's classmate expressing her frustration in the 1960s.

“But why do you want to take up engineering. The purpose of getting a degree is to have good catch in the marriage market. Go for home science and become a very good home maker and you may prove to be a good daughter in law.” said the principle of the engineering college to her.

“Did you quietly listen to him?”

“I was very upset and angry…. But couldn’t give expression to it lest I lose my ultimate goal. So I continued

“Sir take the other professional course, medicine… where members of both gender study together. Is not engineering an equally prestigious and a professional one?”

“My dear girl I don’t have any answer to your clever arguments but think of my position. I don’t even have separate toilet for you……. I don’t even have a room where you can eat your lunch, I don’t even have a lady lecturer to whom you can confide and most of all I have to appoint a security specially for you who can safe guard you from this teaming young and energetic men……… moreover the constitution of the college had to be amended to let you in and I can vouch for the conservative nature of the board which would be responsible for this amendment. Can you please save me from all these tribulation?”

It was a passionate request to her from the man with folded hands.

We were eager to know how the story ended!

“I had no other option than to join an arts college and it was Midas’ touch for me throughout the college days and was a star student and I proved my prowess in the banking sector and till today act as a consultant”

“You seem to be having an interesting time throughout your career my dear…. I can tell from my man that engineering is not all as that exciting as yours! You are lucky that you were refused a seat. Instead of spending your days with machines and the likes you had served people well “The spouse of an engineer who had moved with her man and his machines till he retired thus beautifully closed the discussion on this subject!

Easiness of Great Meditation

As an unwritten rule our children don’t make a fuss over mother’s and father’s day. They think it is too commercial where the quality of affection is equated or lowered  to the discounts offered on goods and services.

 But I made an exception for the yoga day. Even though it is politicised the innumerable articles and TV shows on the subject  helped  to appreciate  the beauty of this exercise which has the ability to  elevate the mind!

I am fortunate to come across these beautiful words and I would love to share it with you and  wish and hope that you enjoy and  experience the   wonderful feeling of peace and serenity.

• Take off the knots created by of your ego
• Remove the knots  of your anger
• Take off the knots  of your jealousy
• Take off the knots of  your disappointments
• When you have smoothened all the knots feel little by little.
• the lightness of your body
• Now sit and loosen up yourself
• Sit straight
• Sit alone
• Sit pleasantly
• Sit with love towards self
• Sit with happiness
• Give out the fragrance of love
• Become the fragrance
• Sit lightly
• With all this goodness happiness and fragrance surrounding you, lightly close your eyes
• Feel and enjoy the eye lids tenderly caressing each other
• Imagine you are sitting on a beautiful fragrant thousand petal white lotus in the early morning pool.
• Enjoy this feeling every morning and evening
• This is the greatest form of meditation

The Minority Tribe

Many of you might have gone through these misadventures or may be worse ones while attending weddings where the organisers prioritise the majority non vegetarians leaving the minority to the custody of nearby vegetarian hotels.

 We were at a wedding.

“Vegetarians please go up” A person was pleasantly requesting the guests. We acknowledged him smilingly and moved up.  If we had been looking for a pleasant hall we would have been disappointed. There were just two tables placed adjacent to the kitchen and we were asked to make ourselves comfortable. The burnt logs pulled out from the stove were creating a smoky ambience around us. There was a power cut and the gen set connection was not extended to this poor vegetarian section.  Sweaty with burning eyes we had our wedding feast of half cooked rice and walked away as quickly as we can!

We were happy to note that at another venue the arrangement for vegetarian was as good as the non-vegetarian section. But by the time we came after wishing the newly married and tete et tete with the known guests the vegetarian food had gone with the wind!!

 It was another wedding venue. Even though the non-vegetarians were in majority beautiful arrangements had been made for vegetarians too with an aesthetic shamiana in place and important hosts wishing everyone and requesting one and all to enjoy the lunch. The items were many and the vegetarian servers who usually prefer to be topless showing off their sweaty upper body were fully clothed! But the moving guests the serving team and the running children had created a dusty layer and the effect was that along with the food we had to enjoy the fine dust too! They forgot to put a carpet over the soil!

We have taken a strong decision with regard to eating vegetarian feast in a mainly non-vegetarian wedding feasts.

We didn’t want to give an excuse of sickness or emergency hospital visits since those do not augur well with the occasion.

The planning goes thus

1. As we wish the newlyweds and shown our gift promptly as ordered by the photo and videographers and registered our presence by posing along we can quietly walk out Suppose we were caught in the middle by a known host

2. “What a wonderful treat… by the way where have you kept the paan? This food needs that for proper digestion.” In case we were caught just off the stage when this gimmick doesn’t work

3. “There is an important event where our presence is a must… explain to you later.” As we utter these words we should be on our run unavailable for a subsequent inquisitive questioning.

As we were discussing these options we never anticipated a problem in an entirely different sort would crop up before us. It was a phone call from our son.

"Dad you remember Sri who was your right hand man during my wedding?” “He is getting married now.  Since he is starting late from US he couldn’t come to our house to invite you. Instead his father would come in person to give the invitation. Even though it is an effort on your part to go so far please attend the wedding. And Appa I don’t want you to send anyone else. Mum and you have to reciprocate that affection.” It was more of a command from the land of Obama than a docile request to the respectful Indian parents!

That marriage was happening in a village in the vicinity of Sivagangai. Taking a wrong turn we lost our way and on that rustic route the back tyre of the car got punctured. Exasperated we arrived at the venue only around noon. We were lucky that the father was there to welcome us amidst the unknown crowd and without taking us in to wish the newly married, which he said could wait, took us straight to the dining area. As  they started serving the food we realised that we were being served non vegetarian food. As we slowly wriggled out, the worried father came running and we did the explaining

“I thought you were all non-vegetarians”

“You are right but just the two of us…..”

Our host was thoroughly disillusioned. His son’s best friend’s parents were not able to part take in this luxurious banquet!!  Not to be undone he took us to the hall and ordered someone to get cool drinks.

We dared not to open our mouth to say ‘no’ to this offer. Poor man……. we didn’t want to hurt him.

Dry and cold rice, watery  sambar  some rasam  smelly  butter milk and soggy over fried appalams was the fare sitting in front of us.

Our host was furious and shouted “Where did you get this useless food? I wanted you to go to Rassapa’s place to get food with vadai and payasam…”  he reprimanded

“ Rassapa had closed shop today to be here for our wedding……”

We made a great effort to relish it!

“Are you always a vegetarian?” asked the grand old man who was the grandfather of the bridegroom in a concerned voice.

“No, no it was just some time back that we decided to opt for vegetarian.”

His admonition was; “Don’t do it please, your body will lose all your energy and vitality. I don’t know how you manage it” he looked down at us with pity!!

He continued “It is big effort for us to eat that miserable vegetarian food on Fridays and New moon days. At least a piece of dry fish is essential to go with it.”

This grand old man was sailing in the same boat as  the Bangladeshis who recently entertained the Indian Prime Minister Modi and came to know that he was a pure vegetarian. They exclaimed “What ……… he doesn’t eat fish?!! He doesn’t touch prawns…!!? “Poor man what else can he eat?!!”

As we parted the wedding festivities and as a compensatory measure for all that we missed, all the delicacies were packed for the rest of the family.

“The food will not get spoilt for two days. The Chettinad cooks are world famous for their careful cooking.”

As we were ready to start the grand old man, with lot of concern in his eyes, peeped through the window of the car and we lowered it. Holding my husband’s hand he said “you are all highly educated people……but please listen to this old villager for once. you might have become a vegetarian for last few years, but your own well being ……  please come back and join our non vegetarian fold!”

His folded hands with rustic concern and love had indeed touched our heart if not the food!