What annoys you most?

I was reading the day’s paper the title “I don’t like being called paatti (grandma)” struck a chord in me! It was an interview by an actress and when the reporter asked the above question she replied “I don’t like being called paatti. When someone calls me paatti I know I am an aged person but you don’t have to call me paatti. I associate this word to being ‘useless’.”

 This is the statement by 80 year old Ms. Subbulakshmi who is centre figure in a film in progress named ‘Ammani’. She was indeed venting out the sentiments of many elderly women!

But in no shop the elderly gentlemen are called thatha; it is always the respectful ‘sir’. The underlying fact is that in the Indian male chauvinistic society, the man wields various self imposed powers, including the economic one, and no one dares to antagonise him while these dependent elderly women are right royally bullied around !

When the grandchildren call a person as paatti, it is indeed a word of great affection but when all and sundry use it the hurt is beyond words.

A friend of mine in medical field narrated the following incident in her place of work. An emergency situation arose in her hospital when a nurse addressed a high BP patient as ‘paatti’ thinking that she was patronising her. But this angered so much that she jumped from her bed along with the IV stand and started abusing the nurse. Instantly she collapsed and fell down unconscious. She had to be rushed to the emergency ward and luckily for the hospital she survived. That very day there was an unscheduled emergency meeting at the hospital wherein the management impressed upon the staff to address all the women patients as ‘madam’ irrespective of their age.

The next one is a similar incident on a busy hour in a big textile show room. A lady entered the shop with full enthusiasm in anticipation of a great shopping. A sales man around fifty accosted her saying “come in paattimma.” The lady was disturbed by this salutation. To add fire to the fuel he was showing her a few saris with disinterest. And when she asked him to bring out the saris from a certain shelf he commented “This will not suit to you paattimma……these are meant for youngsters.” And that was the last straw! The lady burst out.

“My eldest grand child is just 16 and why should you... why should you..... A 50 year old man call me a paattimma?” she was ferocious “You call the ladies with dyed hair very respectfully as madam while I am disrespectfully addressed not just as paatti but paattimma? Am I your paatti’s mother? And who are you decide what I should wear? Do you know that I have come today to give you big business but you are the loser?” Thoroughly irritated she huffed out of the shop and any amount of pacification proved unsuccessful. And a beautiful day turned into a horror story for the lady!

 Some sales staff makes a repetitive use of the word ‘paattimma’ to annoy the customer since they think that they are not usually profitable customers and can be bullied at will!  And like Subbulakshmi feels “patties are useless condemned lot.”

That ‘aging word’ puts people off!

“Not dyeing my hair black is my right but that does not grant you the right to call me paattimma!

But there is a great effort in the market to attract this growing older population. Charming advertisements ensnare the elderly since they hold the money power to call shots! With no commitments to the family the twosome fulfil all their innate desires for luxurious living and equally luxurious health services. But certain little fools in big malls have the audacity to hurt their sentiments and thus make them avoid those shops.

There is a generic beautiful word in Tamil which can be affectionately used from the new born girl child to the bed ridden old lady without compunction. And that beautiful expression is ‘amma’ which denotes ‘mother’, an embodiment of love and affection and all that is best in the world! There is a lot of difference when you say to a lady “paatti….. Be careful of the steps “and “amma…. mind your steps! “The first one indicates “Don’t fall down and becomes a burden to the family while the second one implies concern!” In north India it’s either ‘didiji’ or ‘bahenji’ or ‘maaji’ but never ever  ‘naniji’! These words carry with them lot of respect and kindness.

The English people call you just by your name irrespective of the age. It might be a shock to us Indians at the first instance but on second thought it makes us proud of our individuality.  And hence when we talk in English we call the foreigners by their name without any qualm but beckon our own Indians in their midst as ‘madam ‘or ‘sir’.  

Let us not put down the elderly especially the ladies with ill- chosen words or crack jokes with an inappropriate sense of humour.