Of Warranties and Guarantees

My English vocabulary is not versatile enough to differentiate between a warranty and a guarantee. I look into my dictionary." a warranty is a guarantee given to the buyer." I wondered "What then could be a guarantee?" " a formal promise that a thing is of specified quality and durability"  the scholarly book said so. If so what is the need for a warranty at all? I am a common lay person and tend to believe in the spoken words  on a purchase rather than the minuscule lettering on the guarantee  and warranty card  stamped and sealed and given in the 'royally' embossed envelope of the store!

"Mam....If there is any problem with the stove  please bring it straight to the shop or if you call up this number the company rep would come to your place to set it right"

We bought an induction stove and this type of  noble guarantee indeed over whelmed us and were back at home as  highly satisfied customer! At this juncture  I remembered this great saying of Gandhiji which I read somewhere :

“A customer is the most important visitor on our premises. He is not dependent on us. We are dependent on him. He is not an interruption of our work. He is the purpose of it. He is not an outsider of our business. He is part of it. We are not doing him a favour by serving him. He is doing us a favour by giving us the opportunity to do so.”

Unfortunately this ideal guarantee was put to test within 10 days of its existence when the stove bonked!  I was extremely happy when I met my sales girl right as I entered the shop and explained the problem with the induction stove.

Her demeanour  changed right away."You cannot bring this here." was her curt reply.

"But you instructed us to bring it to your show room if ever there is a problem and your place is closest to my house."

"I never said that" She was emphatic.

 I gaped at her in disbelief!

What both of us heard ten days back is right royally denied!

Either to conceal her folly or as a peace offering to my opened mouth expression of disbelief, she asked me to contact the  toll free  number  and concerned person  would come home to do the needful.

But  I never thought the number would lead me to the  modern ethos of merry go round if ever a complaint had to be made!

This merry go round rotates like this:

Dial the  toll free number and  a sweet voice wishes you profusely and tells how happy and jolly it was to have you as the customer.

"Oh jolly good..... I am in collusion with an exemplary service provider!" I  float  around!

But there ended the alpha and omega of this  impressive reception!

The voice then  goes into the robotic mode wherein your linguistic talent  is verified by pressing the buttons one two three and so on.  You obey. With another voice announcing about a queue  making you listen to a unknown western music tune intercepted by queue status ! You hold on  till the voice of your preferred language come into the fore.  After listening to your crisis and the request to send someone home to repair the said item the voice said

"You have to take it to the repair centre mam..... No one will come home you have to take it to the repair centre."

I reprimanded the sales girl with Jim Carey's movie title  'Liar Liar'! "

The voice gave me the address. "Can you give your name for reference?"

"Not necessary mam..... this number would suffrice."

That was the last words from the most insensitive customer service gang.

Here is another episode for you:

"Just a few months back I bought this phone....  now it has a mind of its own and keeps cutting me off without any warning."  I called a well-known superstore, my regular supplier of white goods.

"I am really sorry mam.... but that is how  things are.....Use and throw  is the norm."

I think of the  days when the phone used to be  an immovable property like your  easy chair,  alarm piece, radio etc. and served for generations!!

I felt like throwing the thing at the shop man.... but at least he had the courtesy to  reply me.

This is a narrative as told by an acquaintance of mine. The children who are settled abroad wanted to keep their mother comfortable and happy in Chennai and whenever there was visit to the native land they made it a point to replace the old gadgets with the latest ones and this time it happened to be a 40" TV. For the mother it didn't matter at all. She belonged to the bunch of level headed oldies who would vouch that  a Benz car or an Ambassador car didn't make any difference at all as long as it served its purpose. One day as she was watching her beloved programme  in the new TV there was a big thud and the TV conked off. She tried to call the shop but since the whole show of complaint had gone robotic and an assured a ride in the merry go round her feeble efforts to find a solution was in vain.

At the end it turned out the tube had burst and there was no guarantee for it!

"Let this sleeping dog sleep till it's owners come back to sort out the issue"  She told herself and happily shifted to her old TV  enjoying life contentedly!

 More than the savvy new technology her old nerves  needed the rest sans the pressure dealt out by bothersome system.

The sudden failure of the RO plant at a crucial juncture of seasonal congregation at my home compelled me to take a ride in the free merry go round amusement again.

The voice calmly asks you if the machine  was under AMC.  Baffled by this abbreviation you whimper. It elaborates and clears my ignorance as Annual Maintenance Contract

 And the voice continued " In its absence you have to pay for the repair and replacements...."

And the  estimated amount was equal to half of the purchase price!

With an angry note I disconnect and go in search of that precious AMC and lo and behold it was sitting in the file hale and healthy!

After the repetition of the whole formula the voice at last acknowledged my precious paper and said "Yes mam..... please note down your specific complaint number and your call will be attended to within 24 hours and as an added assurance said " In case your call is not attended you are welcome to make a toll free call referring  to this complaint number. Thanks for calling us. Always at your service."

"My left foot toe....." I cursed.  Do you need any more annoyance for the day?! As if the 24 hour period  was not enough the voice had the audacity to suggest that I can go for one more of free merry go rounds as a big bonus!!

"May I know your name please? In case I want to call you.."

"No need mam........ this complaint number will suffice."

Nice escape route..... With nil name you are caught up in  the merry go round trap eternally!

"Is the company going to pay for the  quality water for multiple purpose of cooking and drinking  for these two days to a house full of foreign guests?!

Like Francis Thompson in his poem “Hound of Heaven” says “ ………if the pulp is so bitter how can the rind be tasted” , if I, a lady with common sense intact with a workable tolerance level couldn't manage how do you expect lesser ones to deal with these multifarious problems?!

"You are all negative. Are there no positive points in the whole system?" I can hear you chastising me. I am indeed a fair minded person and please continue.

The other day one of the girls from my old organisation came home for a visit with her family. They wanted to get our blessings as their son is appearing for his first government exam. As we were talking she thanked me for the mixer we gave on the occasion of her wedding.

"It still works beautifully mam....."

My goodness! After fifteen years! Those must be the days when companies manufactured their gadgets to high standards instead of the modern trend of sub-contracting  them to other nations less bothered about the quality of product sent to an under developed country like India!

'Use and Throw' is the name of the game!

Here is a 'piece de resistance'  I am offering you as a good positive person.

One day we met one of our close relative and  during the course of the conversation he mentioned about a clock which his dad bought in 1960.

"You know Magi .....my dad would not allow anyone to wind the clock till the day he became very sick. From then on it became my sacred duty! 

" Are you holding the guarantee paper still?" I wondered

This versatile man who could take  a car apart and redo it to perfection laughed. " It is written down on its face Magi."

 I was bewildered! Can you ever believe that a clock is given a guarantee period of  50 years and what sort audacity the company should possess  (on its quality) to exhibit the  guarantee right  on the  face!!!?

 I equate this with our  modern day guarantee cards with incomprehensible miniscule letterings and 'conditions apply' secret appendage  never to be known to us , the ignorant lot!

Even after 60 years the old grand dame is ticking well!! And  as a reverence to  the real meaning of the word guarantee  I am happy to make the proud owner and his clock the hero and heroine of my blog!