Of Warranties and Guarantees

My English vocabulary is not versatile enough to differentiate between a warranty and a guarantee. I look into my dictionary." a warranty is a guarantee given to the buyer." I wondered "What then could be a guarantee?" " a formal promise that a thing is of specified quality and durability"  the scholarly book said so. If so what is the need for a warranty at all? I am a common lay person and tend to believe in the spoken words  on a purchase rather than the minuscule lettering on the guarantee  and warranty card  stamped and sealed and given in the 'royally' embossed envelope of the store!

"Mam....If there is any problem with the stove  please bring it straight to the shop or if you call up this number the company rep would come to your place to set it right"

We bought an induction stove and this type of  noble guarantee indeed over whelmed us and were back at home as  highly satisfied customer! At this juncture  I remembered this great saying of Gandhiji which I read somewhere :

“A customer is the most important visitor on our premises. He is not dependent on us. We are dependent on him. He is not an interruption of our work. He is the purpose of it. He is not an outsider of our business. He is part of it. We are not doing him a favour by serving him. He is doing us a favour by giving us the opportunity to do so.”

Unfortunately this ideal guarantee was put to test within 10 days of its existence when the stove bonked!  I was extremely happy when I met my sales girl right as I entered the shop and explained the problem with the induction stove.

Her demeanour  changed right away."You cannot bring this here." was her curt reply.

"But you instructed us to bring it to your show room if ever there is a problem and your place is closest to my house."

"I never said that" She was emphatic.

 I gaped at her in disbelief!

What both of us heard ten days back is right royally denied!

Either to conceal her folly or as a peace offering to my opened mouth expression of disbelief, she asked me to contact the  toll free  number  and concerned person  would come home to do the needful.

But  I never thought the number would lead me to the  modern ethos of merry go round if ever a complaint had to be made!

This merry go round rotates like this:

Dial the  toll free number and  a sweet voice wishes you profusely and tells how happy and jolly it was to have you as the customer.

"Oh jolly good..... I am in collusion with an exemplary service provider!" I  float  around!

But there ended the alpha and omega of this  impressive reception!

The voice then  goes into the robotic mode wherein your linguistic talent  is verified by pressing the buttons one two three and so on.  You obey. With another voice announcing about a queue  making you listen to a unknown western music tune intercepted by queue status ! You hold on  till the voice of your preferred language come into the fore.  After listening to your crisis and the request to send someone home to repair the said item the voice said

"You have to take it to the repair centre mam..... No one will come home you have to take it to the repair centre."

I reprimanded the sales girl with Jim Carey's movie title  'Liar Liar'! "

The voice gave me the address. "Can you give your name for reference?"

"Not necessary mam..... this number would suffrice."

That was the last words from the most insensitive customer service gang.

Here is another episode for you:

"Just a few months back I bought this phone....  now it has a mind of its own and keeps cutting me off without any warning."  I called a well-known superstore, my regular supplier of white goods.

"I am really sorry mam.... but that is how  things are.....Use and throw  is the norm."

I think of the  days when the phone used to be  an immovable property like your  easy chair,  alarm piece, radio etc. and served for generations!!

I felt like throwing the thing at the shop man.... but at least he had the courtesy to  reply me.

This is a narrative as told by an acquaintance of mine. The children who are settled abroad wanted to keep their mother comfortable and happy in Chennai and whenever there was visit to the native land they made it a point to replace the old gadgets with the latest ones and this time it happened to be a 40" TV. For the mother it didn't matter at all. She belonged to the bunch of level headed oldies who would vouch that  a Benz car or an Ambassador car didn't make any difference at all as long as it served its purpose. One day as she was watching her beloved programme  in the new TV there was a big thud and the TV conked off. She tried to call the shop but since the whole show of complaint had gone robotic and an assured a ride in the merry go round her feeble efforts to find a solution was in vain.

At the end it turned out the tube had burst and there was no guarantee for it!

"Let this sleeping dog sleep till it's owners come back to sort out the issue"  She told herself and happily shifted to her old TV  enjoying life contentedly!

 More than the savvy new technology her old nerves  needed the rest sans the pressure dealt out by bothersome system.

The sudden failure of the RO plant at a crucial juncture of seasonal congregation at my home compelled me to take a ride in the free merry go round amusement again.

The voice calmly asks you if the machine  was under AMC.  Baffled by this abbreviation you whimper. It elaborates and clears my ignorance as Annual Maintenance Contract

 And the voice continued " In its absence you have to pay for the repair and replacements...."

And the  estimated amount was equal to half of the purchase price!

With an angry note I disconnect and go in search of that precious AMC and lo and behold it was sitting in the file hale and healthy!

After the repetition of the whole formula the voice at last acknowledged my precious paper and said "Yes mam..... please note down your specific complaint number and your call will be attended to within 24 hours and as an added assurance said " In case your call is not attended you are welcome to make a toll free call referring  to this complaint number. Thanks for calling us. Always at your service."

"My left foot toe....." I cursed.  Do you need any more annoyance for the day?! As if the 24 hour period  was not enough the voice had the audacity to suggest that I can go for one more of free merry go rounds as a big bonus!!

"May I know your name please? In case I want to call you.."

"No need mam........ this complaint number will suffice."

Nice escape route..... With nil name you are caught up in  the merry go round trap eternally!

"Is the company going to pay for the  quality water for multiple purpose of cooking and drinking  for these two days to a house full of foreign guests?!

Like Francis Thompson in his poem “Hound of Heaven” says “ ………if the pulp is so bitter how can the rind be tasted” , if I, a lady with common sense intact with a workable tolerance level couldn't manage how do you expect lesser ones to deal with these multifarious problems?!

"You are all negative. Are there no positive points in the whole system?" I can hear you chastising me. I am indeed a fair minded person and please continue.

The other day one of the girls from my old organisation came home for a visit with her family. They wanted to get our blessings as their son is appearing for his first government exam. As we were talking she thanked me for the mixer we gave on the occasion of her wedding.

"It still works beautifully mam....."

My goodness! After fifteen years! Those must be the days when companies manufactured their gadgets to high standards instead of the modern trend of sub-contracting  them to other nations less bothered about the quality of product sent to an under developed country like India!

'Use and Throw' is the name of the game!

Here is a 'piece de resistance'  I am offering you as a good positive person.

One day we met one of our close relative and  during the course of the conversation he mentioned about a clock which his dad bought in 1960.

"You know Magi .....my dad would not allow anyone to wind the clock till the day he became very sick. From then on it became my sacred duty! 

" Are you holding the guarantee paper still?" I wondered

This versatile man who could take  a car apart and redo it to perfection laughed. " It is written down on its face Magi."

 I was bewildered! Can you ever believe that a clock is given a guarantee period of  50 years and what sort audacity the company should possess  (on its quality) to exhibit the  guarantee right  on the  face!!!?

 I equate this with our  modern day guarantee cards with incomprehensible miniscule letterings and 'conditions apply' secret appendage  never to be known to us , the ignorant lot!

Even after 60 years the old grand dame is ticking well!! And  as a reverence to  the real meaning of the word guarantee  I am happy to make the proud owner and his clock the hero and heroine of my blog!

More of Roots

While my sojourn at my elementary school was like a cool breeze  the entry into the new girls' high school was process of  'blow hot and blow cold'!

For one thing the segregation by colour code  was visible in the day to day activities of this school. Everything being equal  the class pupil leader was invariably the fair and lovely one and the squads within the class holding the name of great Indian heroines  Chandbibi,  Padmini,  Damayanthi and Razia had few leaders as gratis with no so fair complexion!!

The new school was overflowing  with plenty of rich and fair females waiting in the anvil to partake in  any sort of entertainment programme and the competition even among  them to participate was immense! Hence, we the not so fair and financially unwilling pariah  group, took a disappointing back seat and sometimes like the substitutes in the cricket  game rehearsed for the shows 'just in case' someone fell sick. Till the last moment we were in a perennial dilemma of  whether we are 'to be or not to be'!

This was in stark contrast to my elementary school where participation in  performances was taken for granted! And the teachers cared a hoot regarding refined costume code very precious to the nuns of the new school!

 However this sort of situation  had  its own advantages and took me in the other direction. In the early fifties the United Nations Organisation was in the nascent stage and the nuns wanted the students to know about this global peace movement. With this aim in mind  they wanted a large map for the school depicting all the 50 odd participating nations. While creating a map of desired size  is a child's play with today's  digital technology it was a Herculean task then.

The quality conscious nuns left no stone unturned once they decided to create one! With lot of engineering skill a world map was drawn on a white cloth as long as the hall and the member countries of UN were also sketched to perfection. The nuns involved an enthusiastic  group including me as their helpers.

 Since the member nations of the UN had to be distinguished, the big task of choosing colour threads of various combinations and varied stitches were discussed in detail . We the unskilled workers threaded the required colours  while the nuns ardently involved themselves into the labourious process of  hand embroidery!!  The names of the stitches they pronounced  bewildered me! Till that day I knew just the single stitch mother made for darning our torn clothes! Like the litany they recited every day by heart   cross stitch,  back stitch, herring bone stitch, feather stitch, arrow stitch, cable stitch, fern stitch, French knot, Danish knot and  knotted button hole  flew out of those nuns' nimble hands decorating and honouring each nation! Our  enthusiasm  knew no bound. If any VIP from the great UNO witnessed this mammoth work they would have definitely conferred the nuns with a special award!

With great fanfare the map was unfurled and fixed at a large wooden board. The competitions were many starting with identifying nations in the shortest possible time  by using a small stick and never ever touching the beautiful map! We also drew the flags of the member nations with colour pencils and enacted small skits on each nation creating their national attire with our limited resources! Our music teacher even composed a Tamil song elucidating  this ideologistic body and with great gusto and we sang it to our hearts' content. (I have produced part of the song in the Tamil blog) I immersed myself in these activities and winning one or two prizes multiplied my joy!

Being a catholic was a very difficult task in the assemblage of nuns  bent upon making a great saints of us! Every Friday evening it was mandatory for the catholic girls to go for confession to the nearby cathedral under the supervision  of a nun who put  the fear of hell rather than the love of God into our system. With a  longing to go back home once I told her that I don't have any sin for the week. She was taken aback by this statement. She gathered the whole herd and made me stand in the front and declared aloud "Here is a girl who says that she hasn't committed any sin in the week. What reward do you suggest can be given to her?"  No one opened their mouth lest this double edged sword holding lady would also take them to task !.

She looked around "So none of you have any suggestions for an award?'

The lady folded her hands and bowed her head turning toward me in mock reverence!

" Yes sister.."  It was indeed an unanimous chorus!!

" In that case I have a great idea. Let us go in to the altar of St. Joseph, the patron saint of our school, and remove his statue and in his place we will install our local saint."

The sarcastic comment with a lot of clapping from her and the subservient crowd made me hang my head down and from then on I decided to go into a mathematical table mode and replicated the same variety of sins to the priest in the weekly confession!!

 The high school system then had eleven standards called SSLC  when I appeared for the government exam. Unlike today where promotion from one class to the other is mandatory , the schools had the right to retain the  non performing students in the same class even for years together. And the nuns being nuns followed this rule to the word and might have  had a sadistic  pleasure  in the process!

The half yearly exam was the deciding factor for the SSLC students and the schools had the privilege to bar the students from appearing for the government exam . Since the nuns  wanted a great academic name for the school there was no hesitation to hold back the students  even if they had failed by a single mark in any one subject!!

After the Christmas and New Year festivity the somber event of meeting the headmistress on a one to one basis for the selection process began  as the school reopened. The alphabetical call started in right earnest and the girls who reentered the class had either with a scholarly smile or a sad cry. I was stressed.  Maths was my Achilles heel as was my dad's. The man would be happy if  he witnessed  pass mark in that subject in my report cards!  Now my worry was what if I had failed in the subject  the headmistress would not hesitate to hold me back. Appearing for October exam would be a shame.

Eventually it was my turn for the inevitable. Shivering inside out I stood before her  and evinced undue enthusiasm in wishing her Good morning.

"How have you done your math exam?" was her stern reply to my morning wish!

" Magie you are gone..' trumpeted my heart

"Sister I have done well sister......" Feeble was a word too feeble to say!

She looked into my eye and unsmilingly said" What are you planning ?"

"Sister I am going to do my teacher's training." And as an add on continued "I would love to serve my alma mater."

I thought it was a smart  enough  statement! The love for my alma mater would have soothed her enough to give me the required selection!!

"Go call your sister at once." commanded the lady in blue.

Now we go into another story. My elder sister after finishing her teacher's training  was teaching in my school.  But for my grandfather who hated girls education my sister with her great love for

 math would have easily gone to college. You see, genes differ within the family!!

She was engrossed in her math class when I signaled her to come out.

"Sister wants to see you."

She knew the selection process was on.

"Why is she calling me? Have you failed in math?"

I was on the verge of crying. I was shivering. I couldn't reply. I was gripping her hand tight.

"Good morning sister."

"Good morning  Josephine...... "

"Sister if she has failed in math  I would make sure that she doesn't fail in the public exam. I will definitely coach her well ..." A good defender indeed!

"She is ok with her maths......"

That solitary statement made life flow back unto me!!

"But your sister doesn't seem to have any ambition. She says she wants to do her secondary grade training! Make sure that she goes to college. Will you"?

"Yes sister...... I will talk to my parents in this regard.."

But I was disappointed. My sister who had done her teacher's training at Trichy had eulogised about the place and it's great Rock Fort so much that I wanted to go there. Added to that she seemed to have  enjoyed her week end stays at my maternal uncle house with the cousins, a lovable lot. And one more attraction was the long train journey from Kumbakonam to Trichy!

 If I were to go to college Kumbakonam possessed the famous 'Cambridge of South India' and I would not be able to step out of this ....... place.

To cut the long story short I was sent to college and am proud to say  I was the pioneer female graduate for my village and the community and with sacrifices of my parents and siblings became the first post graduate too!!

Often I thankfully think of the  stern lady in blue, Sr. Emerence, and my dear sister Josephine  for putting sense into my childish brain at the right moment!