Most Precious Two Rupee

On 15 th July 2013 the international Airport at Chennai was opened on a trial basis and the

Passengers had to close their nose from the stench at the toilets! This was the newspaper report

I had an   even bigger adventure with the toilets in the new Bangalore Airport in the same month

These two occurrences may be unbelievable to you but this in truth is the Indian Quality Standard for you

 The story goes like this:

7 th of July 2013  was an early rise  day  for us both since my husband and I had to take the morning flight to Bombay from Bangalore and as everyone  know  the Bangalore airport lies at the far end of the city and consumes  nearly two hours to reach from Electronic city where we were staying. In addition we were planning to have the local culinary speciality of masala dosa at the airport for breakfast.  These two factors necessitated the early start. 

As a policy we adhere to the routine consuming one litre of water in the early morning and that day was no exception. My husband might falter on days but cleansing of my system with drinking   a mandatory litre of water was the first part of my ablution process. And hence when we reached the airport after an hour and forty five minutes, the urge for a visit to the toilet became imminent. Informing my husband to order for the dosa and reserve two seats in that crowded restaurant, I rushed across towards the ‘toilet arrow’ which righteously indicated the right direction. Satisfied with this information I happily walked forward but the path led me to the outside of the airport where vehicles were picking up and dropping passengers and security personnel were controlling the vehicles at the pedestrian crossing. Assuming that I had misread the indicator I walked back into airport but the arrow very rightly indicated the the direction I had taken! Taking the right turn I tried a small detour to the right at a junction but as we are used to in India,   ‘some work in progress’ was vigorously happening there. By now I was at the bursting point of nature's call! I hastily retraced my steps back to the indicator point and saw my redeemer in the security personnel there and he too directed me in the tested and proven direction on the ‘right!’ I rushed forward impervious to the vehicles and proceeded straight further. There among the bushes I saw some activities of men hovering around and now I was sure that the ladies' toilet would not be far off!

I identified the ‘lady in the frock’ sign easily but another surprise was awaiting me! A board at the entrance indicated that to use the facility a fee of two rupees is collected and the toilet papers cost another three rupees! And a lady sitting in a chair with a table in front was presiding over the collection process! Paid toilets?!! At the airport?!! We pay an exorbitant price for the tickets and is it not the courtesy on the part of the authorities to provide this basic facility to the passengers?!! I was fuming. Helplessly I wondered where I was to find this two rupee. Anybody might have easily suggested to me “Pull out your purse string lady and if you don’t find the coin take out a note and give it to the person concerned, rush across and get the change later or ask the person to keep the change.”

 I could understand your sarcasm. But my dilemma was of a different nature. Generally when both my husband and I go out my husband becomes my sole creditor and expense manager and service provider. I neither carry my hand bag nor my cell phone. Today I knew that this was my undoing! If I have to rush back to my husband who was at the other end of the airport the damage would have been done. Then I saw an elderly couple walking along the path and enquired whether they paid the two rupees. The woman was flabbergasted by my enquiry and in a pacifying tone told me “It’s just two rupees; keep it on the table and you can go inside”.  I asked the gentle man if he could lend me two rupees. He not only understood me but considerately gave me not two but four rupees and said “You

can use it if someone else is with you.” But luckily no one was accompanying me in this mad adventure! I took the two rupee coin from him and my request to return the same was refused with a benign smile by those lovely couple!

I paid and having relieved the internal pressures that was building up, I sheepishly returned to find my husband who was totally oblivious to all this adventure!!

And long live the generous couple in whichever part of North India they reside. (They spoke in Hindi to my English!)               

The Moustached Man

It was a cool and pleasant February early morning weather of Delhi. Our first walk at the Buddha Jayanthi Park was a pleasing and energising affair. As we were walking I held my hubby’s hand tight and stood still. He calls this tight hold and immobile pose of me as “The dog phobia” and as a responsible guardian turned around to look for dogs.

Seeing none he asked me “What happened now?”

“Look, I can’t believe my eyes!”

“Oh the pavalamalli, (a jasmine variety of white petals and orange red stem) we have seen enough of it in Chennai.” He said. 

It was a know it all statement and I didn’t like it at all.

 “But have you seen a fence made of pavalamalli?  Ever seen rows and rows of them welcoming you with their heady fragrance when even a single one is an intoxicating concoction! I can’t believe it! Why didn’t we think of this in Chennai?”

“You are right….. Why didn’t we think of this in Chennai?” A pleasant voice made us turn back.

A middle aged couple smilingly wished us with a ‘vanakkam’ amidst the “Ram Rams” of the park.

From then on the walk in the Buddha Jayanthi Park became a much awaited event of our morning life!

One thing led to the other and this bonhomie was a thing of joy for both sides and in those phoneless days the exchange of addresses followed suit. Was it a magic by those rows of jasmines (pavalamalli) ?!!

When we came to know that they were on the lookout for a groom for their daughter I considered it a miracle that there was a very suitable boy from my side. I told them that our family friend who was closer to us than our own relatives and was also looking for a bride for his auditor son and that I would send a letter immediately.

They were happy. Since the girl had done her studies on similar lines it would be a perfect match in their professional life too!

From then on their daughter joined with us in the ‘Buddha Jayanthi park walk’ and preferred my company to the others! “ The semester exams are over and I am free for some proper exercise!” she declared as a matter of fact.

“ A lovable liar indeed!”

I didn’t disappoint her; fed her to the brim about this handsome boy who considered me as his own sister and about his intelligence having his own business at this young age. I also talked about the boy's parents whose company was as delightful as her own parents’! And very much more…!

After a month a reply came from my uncle that there was a big calamity in the house when my letter was received. His son had fallen in love with one of his juniors but never opened his mouth, in spite of fact that his parents were on the lookout for a bride for him.

But a letter from me fixing his bride was indeed a serious one because the boy knew that his parents took me into confidence and my decision was respected always. So he told of his lady love.

I remembered my oft repeated advice of my mother “Maintain a balance in all you do.”

I had indeed committed the mistake of letting our friends daughter’s imagination run riot.

Yet the bitter pill had to be swallowed. I had to open this unhappy message to the family. In their goodness they tried to pacify me.

“Don’t you worry "Quod scribere script est"………. Whatever is written is written”

My husband said “Uncle I had to go on a business trip to Madras and my father is well connected and he would definitely find a better match. “

The family accepted this assurance gracefully though they knew it might be just a placebo.

 “Once bitten twice shy” was my status now and  before his trip I made sure that whichever boy his father was deciding on, the enquiry should be thorough and there ought to be double checking of facts and this process was utterly essential. In case any prospective alliance he came across during his stay he had to personally meet the boy to make sure that there was not an iota of doubt about the credentials of the boy.

Our morning walk that day was not just filled with fragrance but created a happy mood. My husband indeed was the bearer of good tidings!! The boy was an engineer and a gold medallist with a well-paying job and the family was highly esteemed for its good values and yes… they were interested in the alliance.

My hubby said “We will send the full size photo with all the details to my dad and in the same way they would be sending the photo and details to me. This way it would be an informal thing and the photos could be returned without any heart burn in case either party was not interested.

“And we will not talk about it till everything is finalised. Is it ok with all of us?”

It was a double ok from all of us!

The photo from girl’s side had been duly sent and we received the boy’s photo but my husband was not happy

First of all it was just a passport size photo while the boy’s plus point was his height which couldn’t be revealed in a passport size photo. Secondly even though his face was bony his nice moustache counter balanced the structure. But the boy in all his craziness had shaved off his moustache for this special snap!!

“It’s ok; we will pass on the photo to them.”

“No way! What if they reject him based on this silly photo? He is indeed a gem of a boy and very handsome unlike this portrait…”

After much deliberation he decided on a ploy to make the man look handsome. “Just two lines and what a difference it’s going to make!” my hubby told himself. During his college days his excellence in engineering drawings won him many a laurel. He still carried those implements with love and that day he took out his sharpest and the thinnest black pen. Sitting under his drawing table and keeping the snap under the bright lit spot he drew a moustache!! When he showed me his handiwork, I literally got frightened!! With his longish mush the boy resembled more of a bandit’s handy man than a gorgeous groom. My husband concurred that in his enthusiasm he had made the moustache too long and using an ink pen eraser made a reduction which turned the boy into Hitler junior with a caterpillar moustache!  My anguished cry was “Poor chap, please leave him alone”

But the artist never wanted to give up. And after a few more alteration which led to a complete disaster and the outcome was an unrecognisable 'smudged good for nothing' bit of paper.

Without revealing his goof up he quietly sent a letter to his dad asking him for a full size photo of the boy with proper moustache!

We didn’t inform any of these catastrophes to our friends!  They might take it as a not very auspicious sign!

Those were the days when a letter took its own time to travel. Even if the letter reached it would take some more time for the boy to grow a mush. After this process he had to go to the studio to take the photo and the studio owner would take his own sweet time to deliver the print with a mandatory minimum period of 8 days.

And for us to receive the photo would be another time lag.

For some time we avoided the fragrant Buddha Jayanthi park.

But they were worried about our wellbeing and came home one day. We smartly tried our best to conceal all our bungling and assure them that it might be just a postal delay.

 “Don’t worry; we understand that you are hesitant to tell us that they don’t like the girl. But let us not lose our precious friendship over this silly matter. Can you please tell your dad to send back the photo?”

Our dilemma was unbearable and for a second I thought of blurting out the whole story but what could we gain by this effort? I kept quiet.

At last the much anticipated letter from my hubby's dad arrived. With just a cursory glance we handed over the envelop lock stock and barrel to our friends and it turned to be a happy ending!

And our couple recently celebrated their 25th wedding anniversary.

But till this day the ‘secret of the moustache less man’ slumbers well only in our hearts!

The pill Phobia

The girl was newly married. She was happy to find that the customs in the new house were more or less the same as the one her childhood home. The family was big like hers and the house was similar to her ancestral one except that it was smaller and with just four coconut trees at the backyard. She thought about the big jack fruit tree at her garden. During the season the ‘smelling’ of the abundant jack fruits clinging to the trunks to identify the ripe ones was an ideal hobby for her and the siblings. That the season coincides with the summer holidays added zest to this ‘smelling show’ what with the additions of many cousins. She would miss all the fun in the new place or maybe they will allow her to go home during the summer vacation!!

As days went by she found out that this family carried an eccentricity of its own. It was the ‘Pill phobia’ which engulfed the whole ambiance of this house hold!

As they started their day either to go to school college or work the children made a bee line for their vitamin pills and it  was received with reverence and piety like the holy prasadam. They were indoctrinated on the efficacy of those pills so much that they could recite by heart all their goodness with the speed reciting an easy mathematical table!  It was a wonder for her when her husband had a medicine box in their room and every day morning before he stepped out of the house for work he would have second breakfast which she named ‘the pill food’! With an assortment of pills in colour and size laid on the lid he would savour each one of them. It was as if he was relishing the sweetest pink guava of her Thanjavur garden! Was he healthy person? If so why was he taking so many pills? In one of her rare calls home (when owning phone was a luxury) she murmured to her mum about this habit but mother warned her not to make a fuss about it and dad would sort it out when he visited her.

Adding more zing to her worries was that her father in law also followed the same routine and the father and the son duo discussed among themselves about the veracity of a tablet depending on the input from their ordinary friends, doctor friends and medical representative friends! They would discuss and argue about the composition of a pill and decided which brand met their standard.

One day when they came home from an outing she had a slight cold. “The evening chillness of December.” she thought to herself. “Things would be fine with the intake of plenty of water.”

 But her husband thought otherwise. He was a worried man. Being newly married he gently suggested to her to take a pill which would ward off her cold in no time! The girl was surprised. “Taking a pill for cold? You must be joking. I will be alright tomorrow morning. “She turned to the other side of the bed and slept off. The poor fellow was helpless!

In spite of her water therapy her cold persisted with a slight cough as an accompaniment. Now the whole family woke up to this emergency situation. Her MIL (mother in law) ordered her not do any work and never to touch water and neither take a bath.

She started laughing.” Amma, in our house” she said “the moment anyone gets a cold we would jump into the river at the back of our house and soak ourselves to our heart’s content. If I take a cold water bath I would be fine in a jiffy. Don’t worry.”

 “Muruga……..” she exclaimed in horror “Cold water bath when you are having a cough and cold?” MIL wanted to articulate so many things about her family and their customs but controlled her tongue. But she continued “Please listen to me. This cold and cough if unattended would create a thick layer of phlegm and sit in your lung and in no time you will develop TB. You are an educated girl and know the implications of TB. If you are not convinced with the medicines your husband suggests, go to your father in law. He has immense experience.” All these cajoling had no effect on her and she said that she would get well in a day or two. She knew that three doses of her ammachi’s (grandmother's) ‘Adathoda’ herbal decoction would make her alright. A piece of 'Adimathuram' (liquorice root) kept in the mouth and sucking its sweetened saliva would take care of the cough!

 Whether it was the psyching out starting first with her husband and spreading like a contagious disease to  the MIL and the FIL (father in law) and the younger ones too (who looked down  at her with pity ) that her cold and cough worsened. She was feeling guilty facing anyone; she was the adamant black cat in the family. She thought about it and as a compromise she said she would see a doctor.

The whole household literally rejoiced and suggested that she went to Chari, their family doctor.  “I will sit outside” said her husband “that chap is bit cranky.”

“Are you the new bride?”

“Yes doctor.”

“Mmmmm… congratulations. I was there for your wedding…… nice boy!”

“Now why have you come here? Is there any fever?”

“Doctor I am having a cold and slight cough.”

“Definitely your husband and father in law would have suggested many medicines to you?!”

 She was startled. Finding a kindred soul at an unexpected corner surprised her!

With lot of enthusiasm she agreed with him and told him about her house hold remedy for cold. A head bath in the river at the back of their house was the cure all solution for cold. Her side of the family indeed treated cold and cough with the needed contempt.

“Hey … that’s great…….. It was the same in Calcutta where I practised for some time. The moment a patient entered the hospital with cold or fever he would be taken straight away to the bath room and two buckets of cold water would be poured right from his head on. See this Thanjavur remedy had travelled a long… long…. Distance…..ha… ha…ha!!”

  He continued “Now listen to me carefully. Go home and make a decoction of dry ginger and pepper and drink thrice everyday with palm sugar. In the meantime I will give you some powdered pills to convince your family or they would be researching the tablets I had given….They are just placebos. Those educated jokers! They don’t know that with all their medications and vitamin pills they are filling their toilet with rich urine!

“Who can change a mind-set?” he sighed

 That conniving man indeed made her happy and whenever she wanted to escape from the family medication possibilities her asylum was ready and waiting with a laughing session as bonus! She would share with him the medical weirdness of the family. Whenever her professor husband went for paper correction he would swallow extra dose of Becosules (vitamin B12 capsule) to vitalise him! The father in law would gulp an extra spoonful of rejuvenating pasty herbal concoction much before his chess tournament in the club.

 “Need to fill the think tank to the brim!!”

All these had indeed become history now. The girl had her own grandchildren. But the husband’s phobia continued but at a different plane. With his heart problem  blood pressure and sugar, his recourse was to maintain a perfect routine with the prescribed medicines. Monitoring his wife’s recommended daily dosage of calcium pills was part of his every day routine. And the wife’s reluctance for anything to do with medicine continued unabated.

It so happened one day that in spite of umpteen numbers of reminders she forgot to take her calcium pill and last reminder from the husband was literally a threat. Irritated she hastily opened the box and popped in the pill and told him that her job was over. His night reminder too was adhered to.

 In the course of a conversation after the night meal she mentioned that she had swallowed two of his pressure pills instead of her calcium ones. That man couldn’t believe his ears! A normal person taking two blood pressure pills? It was indeed an emergency situation! A call to come home immediately to the daughter living close by was given after a brief explanation. She also got panicky and called her doctor friend to describe the situation. But her dad was not happy with all those introductory endearments with her friend. He pulled the phone from her and started giving details. “Doctor she had taken two pills……….. Two blood pressure pills and this is the power and this is its brand name” so saying he called his daughter “Please bring my spectacles, I want to read out to her the composition of the pill; the letters are small.”

 In all these commotion the culprit was sitting calmly! The doctor said “Uncle please don’t worry. I will take care of things. Please can you give the phone to Aunty?”

“How are you my dear girl?” the lady asked.

“I have to ask that question to you Aunty! How are you feeling?”

 “I am fine.”

Then the doctor said “Aunty, in case you feel weak mix some salt and sugar in a glass of water and drink it. But you should promise me to have a separate box for your tablets and never ever to take a mistaken pill.  I will tell uncle to send you to the clinic tomorrow morning for his satisfaction and please come early when there is not much crowd. We will have a nice chat. Is it fine with you?”

“Yes my dear.”

At this juncture that lady remembered dear Chari too and told herself

“Thank God, all through my married life the doctors are my only sane cahoots (partners)!