Gone are the days when parents lived with children and
were the de facto head of the household. As a young child I still remember my dad and his siblings
standing in front of my grandfather reverently and listening to each of his
words with fervour. We as grownups used to argue with our father but however
upset we were he had the final say. Today's children don't even have the
courtesy to stand up when elders came in but continue with their 'cell phone
digging' indirectly informing "you
mind your business and I will mind
mine."
The change crept in slowly. Mini families became the norm. The revolution
brought in by the IT industry shrunk the world bringing in plenty of
opportunities away from home and the concept of living together had become a defunct phenomenon.
This is the condition of all the elderly couple today who happily bequeathed their children
to foreign lands. Today when I look around my place I could see
many aged couple living alone.
The lucky ones known to us travel
abroad every year to spend a six month duration with their children and like
the migratory birds fly back to India avoiding the snowy winter. There is another couple who would love to do
the same but they know that the infights
and rumblings within the family
there would make their stay an
uncomfortable one.
This is the story of our friend whose only son was settled
comfortably abroad. Atlas the guilt feeling of not having his parents with him
cleared from his psyche when he took the decision to bring them to his place.
He still remembered the joint family wherein
his grandfather ruled the roost
and for his father and his siblings his words were their ten
commandment. Since his spouse loved his parents there was no problem in
bringing them to this country on a permanent basis.
As a prelude to this permanent settling down the first
invitation went to the parents.
As they entered the house the welcome cake and the hug
from the grandchildren took the
grandparents to cloud nine!
"Nice one hour walk on the tree lined the
platform. Amma is happy with plentiful trees. The jet lag has completely
vanished" the father happily announced
to the son when he returned from his work.
"Good God... appa.... what have you done?" The son was
terrified! "You cannot walk like this. This is a dangerous area. Please,
heaven forbid, don't do it again. People can show you the gun just to relieve
you for a few dollars. I promise to drive
you to the most beautiful green place during the weekend where you can
have your heart's content. But till then hold your urge. Don't ever do it again
please" The couple was rattled. The chastising tone of their son created a
unsavoury tingling within. The freedom of walking in the Besant Nagar beach at
any hour of the day and enjoying the
festive mood during Pongal season with Carnatic music concerts from T.M Krishna
and the folk dances of our land sitting in the sands and relaxing in the company of friends prodded
them like the waves of Bay of Bengal.
"How is health ma? Are you fine?" the
daughter in law affectionately asked her.
The mother in law held her close and said "Nothing serious my dear,
except the occasional knee pain and the spondylitis. But don't worry about it.
I am doing the right exercises. Appa might be having some prostrate problems
but nothing to bother about. We are healthy."
On that particular day the son and daughter in law had
a discussion with them regarding their wellness quotient and wanted to list their maladies in accordance
to their urgency. "Amma these small things may develop into serious malady
at any point of time." said the son "The medical system is a different
one here. You cannot approach a doctor at the drop of the hat. Medicines
for ailments like cold or slight stomach ache can be obtained over the counter.
But for others we have to have the prescription from the doctor. Not like our
place where we can get medicines over the counter on the advice of the
pharmacist. I still remember your uterus operation which was fixed over two
days! Such things are near impossible here. Unless it is an emergency you have to wait in queue for any
procedure. So let us make a list of all the ailments irrespective of their
minor and major nature. It is better for
us to know about your health problems."
The son's tone was somber. As the father and mother
glanced at each other and the mother was reminded of a joke they both enjoyed.
A patient came to a doctor with body pain. The doctor gave him medicine for a
week to be consumed thrice daily before food and asked him not stop his walks and regular
exercises. After a week the man came back to him happily." It was indeed a
wonder drug doctor. I am perfectly fine . I would like to know the name of the
medicine." The doctor smiled and said " My dear friend it is just a placebo, more like a glucose
tablet." The man went back and
after ten days was back to the doctor. " Doctor please give me some good medicine,
my body pain is back again." Similarly getting into the prestigious
medical list of the son and daughter in law
our minor ailments can assume a superior status psychologically and is
going to bother us day in and day out." they thought and walked towards
their room in a confused state.
"Amma loves yam fry and appa loves seven vegetable
avial. Am I right amma? "the daughter in law asked. Caressing her affectionately amma concurred.
"My wife is a great cook ma... You will witness
the same when you and appa gain
weight." the son said laughingly
As they listed out the gravies and vegetables and their preferred way of cooking the
parents were delighted with the children's care and concern.
For the weekly purchase all of them landed in a hyper market.
The parents who were rare visitors our Chennai super markets couldn't
comprehend the concept of hyper market! It
was a mind boggling monstrosity, a huge city by itself The milk shelf which was
a mile long was teaming with so many varieties that our Aavin brand with its
measly three grades had to put down its
head down in shame they thought.
“Can you get me something to drink? I am tired of the hyper
market visit." said appa. " I too need one." said amma. We
didn't even lift a single straw in that place but still my back is
throbbing." holding her waist she walked towards the kitchen. In there the
husband and wife were busy cooking.
"Are you expecting some guests today? You are
cooking for a wedding!" she exclaimed.
"No amma this is the cooking for the whole week.
We refer to the list you preferred and
cook the lot and keep them in the freezer on a day to day system. " the
daughter in law said
"There is no time for cooking everyday
amma..." her son said supportively. "Both of us are on high flying
job and there is also the children's education and hobbies to take care
of."
"Don't worry amma the food will be as fresh as the
one you prepare at home. We have a separate freezer to store the food."
The lady was taken aback. For her the healthy way of consuming food is within half
an hour of cooking.
"On weekends
we can go out and eat in Indian restaurants amma."
It was a chorus of pacification for her stunned
silence!
Sitting inside the air conditioned house taking the
lunch out of the freezer and microwave it was not their routine. They love
their little garden wherein they can collect the greens for lunch and buy
vegetables from the vendor every morning.
The highly paid servant maid who had her own set of
house keys came in her own vehicle and pressing the entry button she went through the cleaning process like a robot and
as her work was over she pressed the exit button. For her time is money; every
single minute is converted into money and there is no time to have tête-à-tête with them oldies except to say hi and bye! They missed the simple joy of listening to
their servant maid back home. In spite of
her umpteen number of problems and headaches she never forgot to bring
them her meter long luscious drumsticks now and then that proliferated in front of her hut and her
loving commanding tone to make a sambar with it !! They would laugh talking
about the late Cuban president Fidel Castro who was convinced that the
drumstick tree is the friend of the poor, a great multi vitamin tablet and that
he sent one of his trusted men to South India to bring back the seeds and
plants. That might be the reason why God hath blessed the slum area trees with abundance
of fruits!
"This indeed is a different world with a diverse
value system. We may not fit into this programmed routine ."they thought. "The
statement that " We are going to
America or England " could have made our friends and neighbours think that
we are a lucky lot and the fortunate ones to enjoy the riches with the
affectionate son's family in the far away land. That we can watch all our favourite channels and watch
favourite movies on Amazon Fires tick and Netflix is not what we wanted.
The daughter in law and son hurrying out in the morning
and the children having time just to say
'hi and bye' to you was not what they
anticipated." The human touch is missing! In this robotic system this precious element is a
redundant one. In this unemotional
comfort zone we are the useless white
elephants psychologically waiting for the pains to burst into a major illness. There
was synchronicity in the couple's deliberations.
The father ached for his simple dhoti which he could fold up his knee
to have comfortable walk. And both yearned for a dress sans sweaters.
The last time I met them they were on the Besant Nagar
beach entertaining our gang with their
foreign adventures and that day's laughter was indeed their precious
contribution !
